I feel extremely sad today. Although i may put up a smile... But inside my heart is aching.
I knew that i didn't played well today, but seriously, i dun like and dun dare to play alone. That why i never like a solo. I dunno why, but it's a barrier to me. Even in my school work, having presentation. 99.9% of my presentation got screw up by mostly due to stammering or loss of words. In class, i always choose to hide in one corner esp when teacher asking questions, doesn't want my teacher to know my prescene But sometimes very unsuccessfully, my name is being called. And taking blood or inserting iv plug on my patients. If there are alot of eyes on me (like lot of relatives surround me), my failure of taking blood or setting plug is very high. And like today's practice, i dun really dare to play out loud and i mispitched alot alot alot of the notes. I'm afraid of playing wrongly. In the end it got more worst.
I dunno why... Be it in work, presentations or whatever... I just can't overcome the barrier. I can't function well when too many eyes is on me.
Maybe it is what they always say to me, i am lack of confidence.
I feel extremely sad today. Although i may put up a smile... But inside my heart is aching.
I knew that i didn't played well today, but seriously, i dun like and dun dare to play alone. That why i never like a solo. I dunno why, but it's a barrier to me. Even in my school work, having presentation. 99.9% of my presentation got screw up by mostly due to stammering or loss of words. In class, i always choose to hide in one corner esp when teacher asking questions, doesn't want my teacher to know my prescene But sometimes very unsuccessfully, my name is being called. And taking blood or inserting iv plug on my patients. If there are alot of eyes on me (like lot of relatives surround me), my failure of taking blood or setting plug is very high. And like today's practice, i dun really dare to play out loud and i mispitched alot alot alot of the notes. I'm afraid of playing wrongly. In the end it got more worst.
I dunno why... Be it in work, presentations or whatever... I just can't overcome the barrier. I can't function well when too many eyes is on me.
Maybe it is what they always say to me, i am lack of confidence.
